1AM and God.

This is me not being able to sleep. There's too much on my mind. God I've been talking to You all night. About how my future is so clouded. About how I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be. About how I've got this lump in my throat, feeling like I might just cry at any minute and I'm not sure why. About how my heart hurts.

God, I feel helpless at times. Like I'm stuck. You know the desires of my heart. Lord, you know what I long for... but I'm still without. God, sometimes I get scared and think that I may never find it. Even, when I feel like I've found it, something happens that takes it away. God, sometimes I feel alone. 

I've been wrestling with You tonight, God. I've been begging You to give me answers about love. Why I feel so UNloved... I know I'm loved by my family, I know I'm loved by friends, but God, You know the desires of my heart. It gets hard. Lord, You know my prayer.

And as I lay here, filling Your ear with questions about my love, and when I will find it, I just can't help but go back to how much I love You. How much I NEED You. God, You are the center of my world. Even in these times of hurt. In these times when I feel like I can't breathe, and I'm trapped... I know that You are with me. I love YOU, God. God when I do find love in this world, it will be because of You. I can't have a love in my life without it reflecting Your love in my life.

God you will give me my desires, because You love me. You want me to be happy. You don't want to see me broken. 

But sometimes it's so hard when I feel like I've found something centered around You, yet I'm still unable to have it. That's why I feel stuck.

But even if I never find love in this world, I can still be satisfied in You, God. Because I know that You have a plan and purpose for me, and Your love will be with me forever.

This post may not make sense to anyone else in the world, but God I realize that no matter what... it all comes back to Your love. When I find love in my life, it will be because of Your love.